Virtually indifferent

Had  a brief exchange today about social media and how it’s evolved in the short time it’s been around.  I think it’s come a long way in mirroring reality when you compare it to where it was a few years ago.

As these major platforms evolve they seem to more closely resemble the real world, or maybe it’s the real world that’s being reshaped by the virtual alternative.  Either way it’s an interesting method of communication that runs in consort with our daily lives, but the one element that seems to continue in this virtual reality is a certain detachment between people.

What I found was that some of the same problems that exist with people in the real world also parallel those in the virtual one, particularly detachment. This is a hurtful lesson one of my friends learned but given my own observations and experience in the past, one that is not surprising unfortunately.

The bigger question in all this is why when we see someone down, in need of a hand or simple compassion do we walk on by?  Why don’t we ask, are you okay?

You hear about it all the time, in fact it reminded me today of a story from Seattle when on August 28, 2001, a woman in Seattle was taunted into jumping from the Ship Canal Bridge by commuters who had been stopped while police tried to talk her down.  Or a story from Hartford, Conn. When on June 2008 surveillance video showed the callousness of bystanders who did nothing to help a 78-year-old pedestrian who was run down and paralyzed by an unidentified driver in a hit-and-run. 

It’s disgusting and leaves you wondering if there is any hope for a species so self-absorbed.  It makes me question whether we are entitled to be so high up the evolutionary ladder if we have not evolved in so important an emotion as compassion.

Sure, the examples I point out involve strangers and though it shouldn’t matter I would ask you to recount in your mind in the past week where you noticed an acquaintance or colleague was having a tough day or seemed not themselves.  What did you do about it?  Did you ask the question, are you okay?

What’s even more troubling is when this indifference manifests with people we know well.  We see anguish, suffering, or simply something amiss and act as if there is nothing wrong and continue on our merry, indifferent way.  Is it because we’re afraid of taking on a burden or that we might be afflicted by some sort of taint?

I remember a time when it seemed like everything fell apart when a relationship ended.  Compounding things was the mass exodus of so many supposed friends.  Sure, many were mutual friends but when I was down they ran the other way and it left a bitter taste.  Gradually I started to sort out the key differences between those few who stood by me and those many who bailed.  I’ve hung on to those common traits to this day and have been careful to keep my inner circle close and very small.

I think that when you go through that kind of experience you might be more inclined to simply ignore others when they suffer because after all, was anyone there in your time of need?  For me the difference was being deployed so much and being around others who were frequently deployed.  You learn just how significant depression can be and that in some cases it can kill a person from the inside.  Knowing that you learn that more than anything it is a duty to be a compassionate human and simply ask the question, are you okay? 

This deployment alone I’ve probably asked the question 100 times and while most don’t offer the source of their pain or depression, they often seem relieved that someone noticed and some even smile a little.  Just a simple question can make a difference and give a person just enough to keep going and fight through what’s bothering them.

But maybe they need something more – I’m not saying you take on their problems and try to solve them but there are people you can take them to who can and do every day; clergy, counselors and family members are all good people to start with. 

It’s about making a difference in the world we live in, even something seemingly small, like a question as small as, are you okay?  Whether it’s a person on your friend list or the man on the street, just engage your fellow humans and don’t be one of the indifferent masses.

Are you okay?